Pregnancy is a lifetime experience and child birth changes our life by 360 degree. Towards the end of my 9th month of pregnancy, I was in a dilemma whether to go for a normal delivery or opt for a c-section. I was not mentally prepared to bear the pain of a normal delivery. On the other hand, I had heard rumors about the difficult recovery after a c-section. In my last sonography, my doctor said given the baby’s position and low placenta, operation was the only way. Although I was worried about the future, I was happy.
We decided to have a planned delivery on 9th August. Doctor had asked to come a day before. We went a day before and I though it would be a routine check up. It was 1 PM and she asked me to get admitted. The first thought that occurred to me was that I will not be able to eat fast food for the next few months. I came running to the parking. My husband got worried seeing me and I told him “I want to eat Nachos, otherwise I will not get admitted”. He started laughing and took me to a nearby mall.
After coming back, I got admitted and informed everyone in family. My family members got all my favorite dishes. When the doctor visited my room, she was shocked to see 15 visitors in one room. She just smiled and said ” Eat whatever you like, its your day today”. The dinner ended with rasgullas. When everyone left, the tension came back. I kept thinking about the future. The other powerful thought on my mind was that I would be undergoing a c-sec birth. Between all this tension & pressure I slept and woke up early morning and was ready to welcome the new change in my life.
The Life changing 60 minutes
Around 10:30 AM I was inside the operation theater. My heart beat had increased and I could hear it. The stretched was moving and the doctor began the process of anesthesia. Two people held me and I started shouting thinking about the pain. Doctor asked me to relax and gave the injection in my back. I was lying straight with a curtain between my lower & upper body so that I couldn’t see anything. I started feeling nausea and vomited, post which I was relaxed. Only a woman who has gone through C sec can know that one can throw up in lying down position. The doctor then asked if I was able to feel any pain. I got scared and started crying telling them “Please give me more anesthesia. If you plan to cut, I will feel pain. I can feel everything.” Then my doctor pinched my leg which I didn’t feel. I was then assured that anesthesia was working. A male doctor applied some gel on my stomach and I felt cold. I was ashamed thinking I am naked and surrounded by people, feeling helpless. Thanks to the curtains though. I wished my husband could have been with me.
Finally, I tried to focus on the upcoming event in my life and enjoy the moment of becoming a mother. I didn’t feel anything but when it was time for the baby to come out, I started praying to have a baby girl as my first child. At that time, the doctor instructed a person standing next to me to push from up so that they could pull out the baby. That was a weird sensation. An entire baby coming out of such a small slit. I still remember the exact moment when the baby came out and I felt that something is missing.
The doctor congratulated me “Silky you are blessed with a baby girl”. I was in joy and tears rolled down my eyes. I felt like getting up, holding the baby and telling my husband of this news. When all this was happening I heard the baby crying. I too started crying. My maternal instinct rose and I asked them to calm her otherwise give her to me. The doctor told me that crying is good for her. Don’t panic. My c-section went very well.
There are a lot of assumptions, shame and guilt attached around C section delivery. I don’t think it is like that. At the end what matters is to bring a healthy baby to the word, irrespective of the method.
Finally, the moment came when the nurse brought my baby near me. Seeing me cry, my doctor asked if I was not happy as I gave birth to a girl child, I said “no no it’s not like that. The tears are because I am very happy, I got what I wanted.”
After shifting to the hospital room when I took her in my arms I felt that the whole world has stopped. It was such a joyful moment; I can’t explain in words. Thus, I became a mother in those 60 minutes. Before that I was just pregnant and worried about the upcoming responsibilities. Now I am a mom to a beautiful girl.
— Silky Rungta Agrawal —